4. Pick the right medium.
Assuming the “slow death” approach to end friendships is not for you, the only other way to break free from Kevin is to be direct. In other words, you need to tell him that your relationship is over, and that entails choosing the right avenue for your final communication.
Technology provides several ways to breakup with people today. We have access to social media, text messages, emails, phone calls and video chats. Honestly, the mode you choose depends on the nature of the relationship.
In the case of a close friend like Kevin, meeting face to face is best. This is a person whom you held as a friend and shared a real bond. By sitting with him one final time or at least chatting via phone, if the former is not possible, you will honour that time together.
Also, you will give Kevin the chance to voice his feelings and ask why the friendship has come to an end. Truly, if you want to move on without any resentment between you and Kevin, respect him enough to give him closure.
5. Communicate and own your feelings.
Start your conversation with Kevin by saying exactly how you feel. Author Debra Fine emphasises how important it is to own your feelings in those final moments rather than making them about the other person.
For example, saying, “I just can’t stand your jealous, gossiping ways, Kevin,” is problematic. Instead, say, “I’m trying to cultivate more peace in my life and as I change, I need our friendship to change as well.”
Additionally, Sandy Sheehy, author of Connecting: The Enduring Power of Female Friendship, states that is important for people to accept the burden of inadequacy as they end friendships. Really, instead of blaming Kevin for a relationship’s demise, you can avoid confrontation by keeping the focus on you.
6. Be stern yet kind.
After telling your once close friend Kevin you’re ready to move on, he will probably be upset. Therefore, expect shock, confusion, tears, pleas for forgiveness and even a flurry of insults.
However, it’s important for you to hold fast to your decision to let him go. Express compassion for his sadness and offer him a kind word. If his response is abusive, be even more compassionate because that anger stems from his fear of losing you. Accept whatever he says in that moment and let it go along with the friendship.